She lives through us all… and She speaks to us each in Her own sweet or fierce way. And to me She muses, Her sounds and Her body flowing as the the mighty river… traveling from the heavens above to the ocean below… from the clouds to the mountains, through rocks and trees, round gulches and down valleys, She whispers Her musings, She whispers Her longings… and I recognize them as Her musings and longings for ME… they come with the magic of manifesting the impossible, imbibing the beautiful, embracing the sweet, carefully contemplating the creative… and putting effort and energy into her call.
Bit by bit I start to realize that surrender is still the theme for 2018… that setting intentions for Her to show up in a certain way, is not the way for me… but to instead allow Her flow to show me the way, is Her call. For She cannot be forced to live Her life through me as I want Her to, and my little mind has no idea grand enough or intricate enough to match Her way of Play in my physical life anyway.
And so I exhale and release… and trust… lean in and let go… and let Her flow… in wonder, curiosity… and still some fear… as if by now it should be gone, yet here it still is… wondering about so much, so many questions, so many uncertainties, so many perceived inadequacies and failings… even should-haves, could-haves and would-haves still mulling around in the story that just won’t die… oh so many wonderings wondering away…. but deeper than all that that percolates noisily on the surface of my brain, telling me no not yet, you can’t possibly be good enough to do that… deeper than that from beyond the veil of my soul, comes a quiet voice whispering for Her… drawing me into Her invisible yet potent embrace… and I hear Her chant…. om aim saraswatiyei namaha, Om Aim Saraswatiyei Namaha…. OM AIM SARASWATIYEI NAMAHA…. She gets louder as I realize the still, quiet voice isn’t so still or quiet anymore, it’s just covered up by all the doubtful, fearful, skeptical chatter of the noise of my little mind that takes up so much time and energy in worry and fear… when really, when have things ever not worked out?
So instead, I let all that flow on by, and tune more and more keenly into the mantra of Flow from Ma Saraswati, an Her River of Creativity, Wisdom and Inspiration. And She breathes knowing into my being… knowing that all is well, always… even when things seem uncertain or rocky or hard or just down right impossible… all is always well. Something is always seeking to emerge… if only I would let it…. if only I would get quiet enough to first hear what that might be that She seeks to next experience thru me…. then the ‘how’ of it all becomes really something quite obvious, because She is calling the shots and leading the way…not that She wasn’t before, but now I let Her…. and turning my energy toward it whatever it may be, even that, is something oh so natural… who would have thought I’d actually ever get around to doing that one thing I’ve always wanted to do, yet maybe never quite believed I could?
So for 2018, I hear Her intention for me and with presence I get quiet, more quiet, and quieter still…. and I finally listen to Her whisper, now becoming a shout… for somewhere in the mantra is the answer, the path, the next step… and, with the confirming encouragement of my teacher, it has become blatantly clear that it’s time… time to write that book and to let Her sing Her song through it’s unfurling pages.
If you’ve read this far, then you probably support my writing and I would truly LOVE and deeply appreciate any words of encouragement to keep me accountable… for I have heard in the whispering, which has now become a loud shouting, ‘Woman, WRITE THAT BOOK!!’ So I have started… and by this time next year I pray that it is already on book shelves and, Goddess willing, a best seller. Working title’s are yet to come, but it will embrace the path of Sacred Feminine Wisdom and creating the life you came here to. It’s that path to which I surrendered that lead to what I consider my miracle baby being born to me, from my own body, naturally, without even trying, or yearning, after years of infertility and IVF and all other impossibilities being thrown in my wake… and it can be the path to your apparently impossible creations too… for it is the path to surrounding to Her way, and Her yearning, as She lives through your precious human body. You are the Goddess incarnated… men and women alike… and in surrender to Her LOVE, we surrender to that which is seeking to emerge in our life.
Yep, deep breath, I’m doing this… it’s time. Jai Ma!!