They say that on average a mother will loose 700 hours of sleep in the first year of her babies life. Operating on that little sleep is a practice all by itself. Throw in the challenge of healing baby eczema, the steepest of learning curves, nutrient depletion and the entirely new territory of motherhood that nobody and nothing can prepare you for – you’re not just running a marathon unprepared, and you find yourself treading water in the challenge of a lifetime. I think if you’ve invested some hours prior to becoming a mother into being a functional stoner you’d probably cope a little better with it. Because it’s kind like being in a stoned stupor, all the time, in a never ending 24/7 eternity. So I’ve had a little bit of practice, but not barley enough it seems, and certainly not in such relentless a situation.
I’m looking forward to trying CBD one of these days, once I’m no longer breast feeding- the research is certainly compelling. But for now I’m running today on three and half hours sleep; officially the worst night yet. Our Little Prince still has flaring eczema and altho it’s appearing to get better it’s triggering a whole host of itchy for him. My sense is that, because he’s itching now, where he wasn’t really before, that it’s a sign that it’s getting better.
Perhaps it is.
Perhaps it’s wishful thinking.
There are so many constructs in my head making up stories and attributing meaning to everything that is happening with him, even tho in the deepest of Buddhist teachings one must remember that life is empty and meaningless, and that it is empty and meaningless that it is empty and meaningless. Yeah, well now I have a kid thats a bit harder to drop into than it used to be. So I find myself in monkey mind trying to figure that this is happening because of this and that is happening because of that. And on this level such and such is happening but on another level this is happening, and that means that now it’s all just making it’s way out of his body… and that also means we’re coming out the other end of this. I tell myself, again, to hang in there and ride this crazy out.
Then I drop back into my heart and hear the deeper wisdom of my soul and higher self, which tells me to bypass such trivia and go direct to Goddess Herself…. So here I am…. and I hear you say that he is in the final stages of embodying this human meat suit and that it’s a LOT of energy to contract into a small package, so of course he’s a little itchy and rashy… it’s not the most fun process becoming human after being pure light.
I also read an article about babies allergies not necessarily being allergies… according to German New Medicine, it’s more about the psyche and the body wiring up ideas in a way that doesn’t serve the deeper health of the body…. in this article, that I can’t find now but it was in a Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine, the author was saying how such things as eczema are more about separation than they are about so called allergens. And when they have some shift the food stuff that becomes associated with that shift becomes the so-called cause of the physical reaction. My baby went from breast to thirds each of goat milk, organic rice milk and filtered water when he started having a nanny two days a week, and it was at that point he started to get eczema.
The article says it doesn’t matter whether it is a level of separation from womb to world, breast to bottle, mom to dad, parents to daycare, somewhere in there the psyche of the baby develops a fear or anxiety about being separate… and this gave me goosebumps. Isn’t the fundamental issue of all human suffering because we believe we’re separate. So at some point, the newly incarnated baby believes s/he is also separate – which comes as quite the shock since the most recent experience is of being pure, endless light. And my baby hadn’t even had any so called allergens yet. Like I say… Goosebumps…
But almost immediately I pop back into monkey mind… he’s so happy, how can he be anxious, fearful or angry. He’s not visibly any of that. And what if he’s not just trying to be human and having a bit of a struggle with it? What if we’re not nearly out the other side? What if I am in La La Land like my husband often says? What if he has four torturous years of it, like I did in my thirties after having all those steroid creams on my eczema as a baby? What if its genetic and he just has to suffer? What if everything I’m doing to avoid steroids is just creating another issue, called anxiety, in his parents as well as within him?
But how come he’s still so insanely happy 95% of the time? Wherever such paradoxes are at play I know the Goddess is at work, aren’t you?!
And now, after two walks up the mountain, one at 9pm and another at 3am, with him snuggled in the baby carrier breathing fresh air and finally letting go… a 2am oat bath in the middle of that, normally he loves his bath, but this time it was like putting my son in a fire of acid… now, on just three hours of sleep, I’m in a fight with my husband, and I have clients starting at noon. It’s now 11am. And all I want to do is cry. But instead I have to pull my shit together, put on my big girl panties, and drop into that part of me that is totally unaffected by, but completely inclusive of, parenthood, marriage and eczema, and show up.
But I don’t want to. All I really want to do is curl up and watch last nights episode of The Bachelorette. I want to check in on my new friend Becca and see how she’s navigating her way through all those men. I just want to check out.But I also want to hurl myself into my new Super Foods business and create a kick arse team with whom we will share health and wealth along with time, location and money freedom – I am so ready to be out of the dollar per hour paradigm and to live me life to my own drum beat.
I just want to be in my creative flow!
But today…. I’m ridiculously tired and this mothering practice is just hard.
It’s in these times, and any kind of time really, that I turn to the Goddess and pray.
Om Shrim Ma, please help guide me through this day. Please use your swords to cut through all that is not working in this situation and please, please, please, do the same for my husband. And my baby too! And then after all that, please drop me back into the sweetness that is your love and let me marinade in there…. may I find the truth of your light living inside me. May I know that all is well, even when all seems not well… and so freakin hard.
Oh darling one, my child. Be still. Beyond that mind of yours lays the part of you that is awake in spite of the stories you tell your self. Be with the breath, and let the breath drop your awareness right into your heart. Here you will find the door way to the transformative power of my love, the sweetness you so desire, and the steady, strong guidance of my inner power. I am not only the Life Force that is beating your heart, I live in your heart. Know this and you will have the focus, energy, wisdom and insight you need to make it through this day. You will guide your clients as you always do by holding the perfect container. I will flow through you, regardless how tired your small self feels.
Let go of the stories and the meaning you have made up about your precious boy. He is going through exactly what he came here to experience. He is realizing his humanity and by letting him assimilate into his body so fully and completely as you are he is becoming more embodied and more astute in this human realm of physicality. This rash must come up and out… you cannot push it back in. You are doing the right thing. Trust your intuition. He knows in his deepest self that he is not separate, just as you do too.
Like you he is very sensitive and this is part of his initiation into the human realm of life. There are other ways to do it. And he could be doing it another way. But this is the way he chose to do it so that he may burn off the karma of his past. He is shedding an old skin, even if in this so very new body. He is also working in alignment with you and your husband so that you work through and release the layers of your own karma so that you may experience the growth that is seeking to emerge also.
When you were stuck at the stop sign waiting for the workers to fell the trees and clear the roads, you had a moment where you could share or sit in silence. You sat in silence, mostly. And in that silence you dissolved the hurts of a tired mind. Let it go.
Hanging on to the story created within fatigue will only perpetuate a story based upon another story. Too many stories. Just BE my child. All is well, even when it doesn’t look so well in times like these. You are about to turn a corner. Sleep is coming. New skin is coming. A whole new level of love and relating is emerging now. All is well.
So what am I doing in the meantime, because I’m a mom, I have to do something right.
In order of priority – the top four being equal in my humble opinion:
- breathing mindfully and loving deeply
- Green superfoods, wherever and however I can get them into him – juices, shakes, in his apple sauce and oats – I them his Hulk food. Click this link for a gift code giving you a $50-100 discount off the purest, most premium product available on the planet. Alkalizing his body is key in flushing out the physical imbalance.
- High doses of Vitamin D3, like 2,000IU daily- dropped in his bottle or direct on a spoon
- 1,000mg of fish oil daily – I knife a hole in one of my capsules and squeeze it onto a spoon or put it in his bottle with whatever else is in there.
- Multi vitamins
- Castor Oil after the bath while he’s still wet to hold the moisture in. Unrefined coconut oil or cold pressed sesame works also.
- Zinc and calendula cream
- Infinite love and acceptance, patience and the reminder that they, like you and everything, are not separate. That’s just part of this human illusion in which we live.
Note: I don’t apply anything topically while he is flaring and itchy. In my personal experience of eczema that can just make it itch more in a very painful way. So I only apply topically when he’s calm and happy. Distraction in nature and with animals or something they really love is best when a flareup is happening.
October 23rd 2018 UPDATE: You must clean eczema from the inside out. After using the above formula consistently fueling my baby with powerful green drink superfoods he is clear of eczema. He still gets dry skin, like pretty much everybody here in the high altitude climate of Lake Tahoe, but he is clear and smooth most of the time. He has his baby skin back, he’s assimilated into this human form and I have reclaimed my energy and vitality by restoring the nutrients that were sucked out of me throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding.
My superfoods team is growing and I’m delighted to spend my days with my son or having wonderful conversations with people serious about health and wellbeing on all levels of mind, body, heart, soul and bank account. I feel empowered that I didn’t surrender to the dumbfounded ideas of western medicine about applying steroids to eczema and that I stayed firmly grounded in my intuitive self. Without meditation and prayers to our Great Mother, this wisdom would be subject to second guessing.
My prayer now is that this intuitive connection I have to TRUTH will continue to evolve and deepen and that I always remain faithful to this TRUTH, even when so many others doubt, or don’t understand it. I also pray that I know the difference between the voice of my little self seeking to coerce toward ways that are not inspired by Divine Truth, and that I know when to let go. I pray that Grace lead the way. Always. Jai Ma