What do YOU do to build Confidence?

Aerials Student ShowcaseGaining confidence is something that can certainly be worked with using hypnosis. We can talk to the part of you that is feeling undervalued, unloved, little, unseen, not worthy etc….. but the best way to build confidence and an inner sense of self respect and happiness, is to actually get out there and do something that challenges you enough to make you uncomfortable enough that you simply have to get better at it…. and then when you become better at it you feel good or helpful, sexy or beautiful, wanted or needed, loved or respected. Anything that positively infuses you with good feelings will naturally, automatically and instantly prove to your inner skeptic that you are worthy of feeling confident – even if it just sparks the fire of confidence.

You were designed to continually evolve and grow… so for me to use that I am 41 as an excuse to not start Aerial Arts was not an option…. I’m designed to evolve!! So Evolve I must! And I’ll give you a personal example…. you can watch the video at the end of this post to see what came of it all, so far.

Having finally come to a modicum of acceptance that this body I inhabit will likely not have a baby in this lifetime, I realized that a deep seated sense of mistrust had formed within me. Mistrust of body, mistrust of purpose, mistrust of life in general. I started to doubt my intuition – the teacher that comes from within – and I started to believe that I wasn’t a whole woman. MY woman couldn’t create new life, would never give birth, wasn’t doing what she was designed to do and therefore was a renegade not worthy of my trust.

Well that was just a whole load of baloney!

The only part that was actually true is that she is indeed a renegade. But she wasn’t just rejecting concepts and ideas that didn’t serve her, she was also fighting against her deeper Soul nature – which just wanted to be free. I may in fact yet still have a child, whether that child comes from this body or another is yet to be determined…. but the point is that I had rejected the only truth that would ever give me confidence and that was that my body would always express a deeper wisdom and that I needed to be clear and open to hear that wisdom.

But I wasn’t really listening… the short and curly of it all was that body couldn’t be trusted and even though I had a yoga practice, I was weaker than I should have been and I had become incredibly timid and shy. I wasn’t putting myself out there. I certainly wasn’t challenging myself in the physical plane and I was really just hiding away in the more subtler realms of life teaching meditation and seeing clients with hypnosis.

I was missing out on being a human in the physical world and doing all the things that we incarnate to do…. all the things that give us confidence. I could lead a group of people through a spiritual process with the utmost comfort and ease, I had a meditation class where my students would just come, sit in silence, then leave. I could help others to transcend the inner blocks and barriers, break their glass ceiling and get back into the swing of life…. So long as I was serving my purpose in helping others and with that only addressing the subtle or more spiritual realms of life, not confronting the gross physical realm and all the messiness of being human, I was ok. But as soon as I had to meet a bunch of people I didn’t really know, or even people I did know, in a typical human life experience, I felt insecure and uncomfortable… especially around mothers…… I simply felt weak and inadequate.

You are KaliI started to feel that, through my spiritual practices, I’d deconstructed myself to the point where I hardly had a personality at all. It was time to build one back!! In Zen we deconstruct our ego or our personality so that we can rebuild it in a more functional, serving, giving, empathetic, open kind of way. A lot of the time that means the confidence that we have in ourselves does end up getting a beating because its a depth of confidence that is just arrogance. I’d gone through the messy and somewhat painful process of deconstructing what arrogance I had, but I’d become too insecure to reconstruct a softer, more open kind of confidence. And what this looked like was insecurity where I could no longer groove with the human pleasures of physical life. For now I’d gone far enough down the Spiritual rabbit hole and it was time to jump into the three dimensional realm of physicality and embodied human life.

SO…. I took my fish out of it’s bowl…

First I started to put my body in physical situations where I simply wasn’t comfortable. And so I started back on my mountain bike. I’d been off it for a few years and getting back on it was a crazy experience. When I’d stopped riding I was a reasonably hardcore rider…. and now I didn’t recognize myself. At first I was riding the brakes on every downhill and every corner. I was agonizingly slow and the whole experience was somewhat painful. For me it was an almost shameful experience – although those I rode with wouldn’t have said so, but I knew the difference from what I once was, to what I then was….

P1050969So bit by bit, I stuck with it… and by the end of the season I was happily climbing up 2,500 feet of vert and ripping back down again.

….. Because we GROW. We get stronger and better at something when we stick at it. It’s good to LEARN! Even as an adult!! 

I felt good. Strength started to come back. The fresh air, the mountains and the trees all infused me with confidence. I started to trust body again. And body started to smile back at me. I was giving her something to do that she really could do. All She needed was some time, patience and practice. 

I could feel it in my cells…. just shifting my focus from conceiving to riding a bike was so healthy for me.

And then I amped it up and decided to take on something WAY out of my comfort zone. Just down the road from me I found an Aerial Arts studio…. and I took on an 8 week course…. and something happened in that 8 weeks where body took on a whole new energy….

Soul was in the drivers seat and SHE was laughing me more awake.

Body simply HAD to get stronger which meant confidence was a natural byproduct, after all its a long way down from up there! I made friends with other women who don’t have kids, some who don’t even want kids?! The video of what I achieved after 8 weeks follows… its messy and I can do better… and I will… I’m still working on it!

Anyway… I’ll leave it with that… this is my inner experience… of course it doesn’t look like this from the outside… all most people see is Kali Cathie the hypnotherapist that helps people and (mostly) leads by example…. but in order to be completely real, I share my human story and my version of the messy struggles we all have that keep us perfectly imperfect. I’m ok with perfectly imperfect. And you should be too.

So if you want to conquer some of your own inner demons, then get out there and try something new… and if you want some help through any step of the process, I’m sure there is nothing going on that you can’t break through and I’ll be happy to hold your hand and guide the way. Because I know you can do it.

This is what I ended up achieving in 8 short weeks…. if we put our mind to it we can achieve anything… the next video I post will hopefully have that illusive element of grace!

So what do you do to build confidence? Share with me in the comments below… and if you’d like any help just contact me here.

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